Ass kissing gone wrong

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June 04, 2006

Monday night on RAW, Triple H will be joining one of sport-entertainment’s most exclusive clubs – Mr. McMahon’s Kiss My Ass Club. Joining the club generally means that you have hit rock bottom in WWE. But outside of WWE, ass kissing goes on all the time. In fact, the art of kissing ass is usually done by choice and in an attempt to appease an authoritative figure. Sometimes, however, it doesn’t always go according to plan. As fans filed out of the Tacoma Dome this past Monday night after RAW, WWE.com caught up with several of them to ask about their most embarrassing brown-nosing moments. Here is just a sampling of what the fans had to say:

Brant from Tacoma, Wash., remembers one disastrous day outside the office. “One of my supervisors was having a really busy day. He had kept complaining how he had so much to do that he wouldn’t have time to take his car in for an oil change. Being the consummate suck up, I volunteered to take his car in for him so he could stay in the office. So he gave me the keys and I went on my way. Everything was going fine until I missed a stop sign and smashed right into the side of a truck. I wasn’t injured, but my boss’ car was totaled. It was a great idea, and it should have earned me major points. Instead, it cost me big bucks and eventually my job.”

Johnny of Waller, Wash., described the time he tried to impress a girlfriend’s parents by preparing dinner for the family. “I had only been going out with this girl for about a month, but I really liked her and wanted to take things to the next level. I hadn’t yet met her parents so I thought, what better way to make a good first impression than cooking them dinner?” Johnny continued, “I wanted to prepare a restaurant-quality meal, so I rounded up a couple chickens, some assorted vegetables and potatoes. I put the chicken in the oven and set the timer for 40 minutes. I then went to work on the rest of the food. When the potatoes and veggies were ready, I took them out to the table and went to get the chicken. When I pulled the chicken out, it was still raw. Turns out, I had actually set the timer for four minutes, instead of 40. Needless to say it was very awkward when I had to go out and tell the parents that I screwed up the main dish. The potatoes and veggies became the main entrée, and my chances for long-term success with the girl were ruined forever. She dumped me not too long after that.”

Evan of Waller, Wash., explained how he brought in donuts and coffee for his co-workers for almost a month, in hopes of scoring brownie points and landing a nice promotion. “I was working for a tax company and they had a new position open that I really wanted. One day, I sat around and tried to think of good ways to suck up to the boss to get the big job. I decided to start bringing in donuts and coffee for the office, and I did it every day for about three weeks. It was pretty painful for my bank account, but I just figured when I get the promotion, the raise will make up for it. Well, when the time came for the new position to be filled, an outsider was hired, and I got transferred out of the department. In the end, I was out of both a job, and all that money I had spent on the donuts for close to a month.”

Scott of Fife, Wash., remembers the time he volunteered to go pick up lunch for the whole office. “It was a big day in the office, the boss of the whole company was in for the day and he wanted someone to go pick up the lunch. Because I was still new in the office, I volunteered, hoping he would take notice and keep me in mind for future promotions. So I went to the restaurant and picked up the meals. When I got back, I went through the bag and started handing out the food. When I got to my boss’ dish, I made sure to deliver it myself. It was all going smooth until I stubbed my toe on an electrical cord and dropped his lunch on the ground, right at his feet. He was pretty nice about it, but I could tell he was angry as he sat at his desk watching the rest of the office eat a delicious lunch.”

Eric of San Francisco remembers a similar experience. “One year my Mom kept saying that all she wanted for Mother’s Day was breakfast in bed. I figured, man that’s easy enough, I’ll just put together some cereal and some fruit on a tray and bring it in to her. I put everything together and walked in to her room. When she saw me she immediately smiled. Unfortunately, her smile only lasted for a few more seconds. When I got close to her bed, our cat ran out from behind a chair and I tripped on it, sending the cereal bowl and milk all over my mom and the bed. She acted like she wasn’t mad, but I could tell she really was. Either way though, my big plans got spoiled by a cat.”

What will happen Monday night when The Game is scheduled to have his own kiss-ass moment? Tune in to RAW at 9/8CT on the USA Network to find out. View Comments

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