What's with the Chairman?

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January 23, 2007

For weeks, Mr. McMahon's fixation with Donald Trump's affairs has bordered on obsession. This past Monday on Raw, however, the WWE Chairman not only crossed that line — he outright fired it.
 
Publicly reading aloud a letter intended for the real-estate mogul, Mr. McMahon wasn't sure whether his "Herculean physique," "business acumen" or "good looks" were what "single-handedly carried the ratings on Monday Night Raw." However, he was certain that Trump could improve ratings on his own NBC television show, The Apprentice, "a whole helluva lot better" by having the WWE Chairman guest-star, because "people all over the world love me."
 
It appears Mr. McMahon's delusions have eyes, and they're sorely in need of Lasik Eye Surgery; how else could he actually see WWE fans' disdain and disgust for him as "love"? It also raises several questions — ones that don't regard the absurdity of the Chairman's beliefs, or whether or not Trump will follow any of his advice.
 
One question to start with is: Who cares?
 
Let's be honest here — names like "Trump" and "McMahon" possess stunning similarities. They're bold businessmen, entrepreneurs and dapper dressers. They have beautiful, brilliant daughters. Last, but certainly not least, they possess bulging…um, wallets.
 
That poses another question: What does Vincent Kennedy McMahon have left to prove to Donald Trump, or anyone else? Beyond expanding his father's "rasslin' territory" into a entertainment empire, he has been a WWE Champion, has won a Royal Rumble and just this past summer, headlined a match at the Mecca of sports-entertainment, Madison Square Garden.
 
Is it boredom? Dementia? What exactly has brought on the WWE Chairman's apparent lost sense of reality?
 
For two men who sneeze pennies and wipe their noses with dollar bills, this pissing contest may seem worthwhile. It certainly is for Mr. McMahon — so much that he has promised WWE fans a token of his appreciation for their "love" at next week's Raw, from Dallas' American Airlines Center. Even writing that announcement here makes this dot-com writer shudder.
 
That said, what does a warp-minded, egomaniacal billionaire give to his "admirers"? An autographed 8"x10" for those willing to voluntarily join "Mr. McMahon's Kiss My Ass Club"? Free workout tips for "fat lards" and "smelly, poor blobs"? How about pointers on how to pass gas like an aristocrat?
 
The possibilities for Mr. McMahon's "gift" are endless, and endlessly terrifying. For now, the only way to find out what he's giving is for WWE fans to receive Raw next Monday at 9/8 CT on the USA Network.

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