Raw: March 3, 2014
Raw Results : Quick Hits
Raw Results : Full Details
Raw results: Lesnar conquers, Usos soar, The Shield shatters and Bryan feels the corporate wrath
Paul Heyman and Brock Lesnar addressed The Undertaker’s return
CHICAGO – IT’S CLOBBERIN’ TIME … almost.
Faced with a Chicago crowd foaming at the mouth for the return of CM Punk, Paul Heyman addressed his former protégé’s absence the only way he knew how: By sitting cross-legged in the ring and denouncing the WWE Universe who “took [Punk] away” from Heyman and The Undertaker, who instigated Punk’s fateful break from Heyman’s tutelage.
However, with The Phenom back in Heyman’s sights after the events of last week, a revenge-hungry Heyman brought out Brock Lesnar to respond to last week’s confrontation with The Undertaker, but The Anomaly soon found himself besieged – yet again – by Mark Henry, who’s still got a score to settle with the former UFC Heavyweight Champion after being injured at his hands. Despite scoring a strike to The Anomaly’s face, The World’s Strongest Man found himself F-5’ed through a table in a demonic demonstration to The Deadman, wherever he may be.
The Usos def. The New Age Outlaws to become new WWE Tag Team Champions
The New Age is over and The Usos, having circled the WWE Tag Team Championships for the better part of a year, finally got theirs by defeating the resurgent New Age Outlaws and claiming the twin titles for their very own. It took some work, though: having been embarrassed in short order the previous week by the twin high-flyers, the champions weren’t about to go quietly and set about immediately grounding Jey Uso by targeting his knee.
The titleholders unleashed their inner Attitude by battering Jey about the mat. It took the better part of the match for Jey to reach his brother, but when he did the tables turned in rapid fashion. The Outlaws attempted the same dirty play that saved their titles at Elimination Chamber. Unfortunately for them, The Usos were more than ready. Jimmy picked Billy Gunn apart with a Samoan drop and, despite a Road Dogg interference that gave the former Intercontinental Champion life, put the Outlaws’ reign to its bitter end by dodging the Famouser and tagging in Jey for one final Superfly Splash.
Intercontinental Champion Big E def. Cesaro via Disqualification
After his second Raw match in a row against Big E, it looks like Cesaro’s greatest obstacle in defeating the Intercontinental Champion has become – of all people- Jack Swagger. Internal miscommunication between The Real Americans once again doomed Cesaro to defeat against the powerful titleholder, despite an effort from the Über-American that seemed all but certain to end in victory thanks to an immediate tilt-a-whirl backbreaker to the humongous champion. Swagger briefly occupied E after Cesaro hauled him to the outside and his partner capitalized with a 10-rotation Cesaro Swing … at which point Swagger stormed the ring and flattened the champion with a Swagger Bomb that brought both a disqualification loss and a post-match Big Ending down on Cesaro.
The Wyatt Family def. The Shield
The WWE Universe knew, after Elimination Chamber, that The Shield was far from infallible when stacked against The Wyatt Family. But who’d have thought The Hounds of Justice suffered their second thrashing at the Family’s hands thanks to a desertion from within their own ranks? The Shield’s professions of unity seemed to hold strong in the beginning of the match, when Seth Rollins put his aerodynamic offense to good use by hurling his body over the ropes against Luke Harper & Erick Rowan before Bray Wyatt equalized the match.
The Shield powered ahead in the match on the back of Rollins’ efforts, and Dean Ambrose tagged in to trap Rowan in the Figure-Four Leglock. The bout quickly descended into an all-out brawl, with Wyatt members storming the ring at random intervals to keep Roman Reigns at bay before Ambrose found himself isolated in The Wyatts’ corner. A big DDT to Bray opened things up for a tag, but Rollins – supposedly tired of being “the glue” of The Shield – hit the bricks and left his teammates to the mercy (or lack thereof) of The Wyatts. Despite Reigns’ last-ditch effort to storm the match, Harper sent him tumbling with a suicide dive and Ambrose was put to bed with a final Sister Abigail from Bray, while a seemingly regretful Rollins looked on from the ramp.
Santino Marella & Emma def. Fandango & Summer Rae
Emma may not have captured the NXT Women’s Championship at NXT ArRIVAL, but the dancing Diva proved, yet again, she is nothing to be trifled with when she earned the win for herself and her maybe-more-than-friend Santino Marella in a Mixed Tag Team Match on Raw. The unlucky recipients of Emma’s second consecutive tapout were Fandango & Summer Rae, who have taken issue with the emergence of both the Australian beauty and the persistence of The Italian Stallion in recent weeks.
Emma and Santino seemed intent on irritating their opponents to the point of defeat by tagging each other in and out repeatedly, though Fandango put a stop to that by punching Santino square in the face. Santino dodged the top-rope leg drop to tag in Emma and his gal pal handled the rest, applying the Dil-Emma tarantula and Emma Sandwich running corner splash while Santino chased Fandango away with the Cobra to prevent any intrusion. One Emma Lock to Summer Rae later and it was time to cue the bubbles and dancing.
Sheamus def. Christian
Christian does not let a grudge go so easily: The newly nasty Captain Charisma has made it a point to target Sheamus in recent weeks, stemming from an accidental Brogue Kick to the face that cost the duo a tag match on SmackDown a few weeks back. Unfortunately for Christian, forgive-and-forget isn’t Sheamus’ style either, exactly, and a few slaps to the face in the beginning of their latest contest brought out the beast in The Celtic Warrior.
Captain Charisma seemed more intent on humiliating Sheamus with slaps than beating him outright, and even though the Irishman sent the two-time World Champion scurrying around the ring, Christian eventually found his footing by knocking Sheamus from the turnbuckle to the arena floor. The Celtic Warrior saved himself by dodging a frog splash, following with a rolling senton and slowly powering to critical mass. Christian proved himself to be more than resilient, kicking out of White Noise at two and forcing Sheamus to adjust his game-plan. Ultimately, the Irishman did just that, felling his foe with a Brogue Kick off the apron for three. Tough luck, fella.
The Bella Twins def. Alicia Fox & Aksana
Congratulations, Bella Army: Nikki and Brie look better than ever. The Bellas’ teamwork hit a new level of efficiency against Alicia Fox & Aksana when they isolated the Lithuanian beauty in the early goings, though Alicia helped turn the tables and to keep Brie Bella separated from her sister. The plan worked for a time, and it looked for a moment like Brie wouldn’t be able to reach Nikki. A final burst gave her the wind to beat her opponents back and the freshly-tagged Nikki opened things up for the twin Divas in a big way, riding a timely assist from Brie (#BrieMode) to drop Alicia with her self-dubbed "Nikki Rack Attack" Torture Rack backbreaker for the win.
Daniel Bryan called out Triple H
Daniel Bryan still hasn’t gotten his “YES!” from Triple H. It’s certainly not for lack of trying, though; less than an hour before his planned battle with Batista, the submission expert took to the ring and vowed to “hijack Raw” until The King of Kings accepted his WrestleMania 30 challenge. And yet again, Bryan’s demand was met with the same response from The Authority: That he was a “B+ player” unworthy of The Game’s attention at WrestleMania.
Bryan wasn’t deterred in the slightest, though, standing toe-to-toe with The King of Kings in a war of words until Stephanie McMahon demanded Kane come out to remove Bryan from the ring. This isn’t exactly Bryan’s first rodeo in dealing with The Devil’s Favorite Director of Operations, though. The “Yes!” man happily engaged his old tag team partner in a knock-down brawl outside the ring until security and officials pried the two apart and sent Bryan back to the locker room … for now.
Dolph Ziggler def. Alberto Del Rio
Dolph Ziggler, who has suffered at the hands of Alberto Del Rio’s vicious kicks for months on end, finally got one over on “Mexico’s Greatest Export” when he showed up – as only he can – the opulent Del Rio in a one-on-one match on Raw. With “Need For Speed” star and Raw Special Guest Star Aaron Paul acting as his corner man, The Showoff was in fine form in The Windy City, one-upping Del Rio’s classic entrance by riding Paul’s “Need For Speed” ride into the arena and hanging tough against a particularly vicious tilt-a-whirl backbreaker.
Riding the WWE Universe’s enthusiasm, Dolph planted Del Rio with a leaping DDT, though a superkick to The Showoff’s chin seemed to spell the end. Paul – who had been perched at commentary – took that as his cue and distracted Del Rio long enough for The Showoff to find his bearings. Ziggler wiggled free of an attempted Cross Armbreaker to plant Del Rio with a Zig Zag, and that, as they say, was that.
Intercontinental Champion Big E def. Jack Swagger via Disqualification
Might a civil war be brewing between The Real Americans? Only hours after Jack Swagger cost Cesaro a match against Big E, the former U.S. Champion reciprocated his teammate by costing Swagger his own bout with the Intercontinental Champion in a dust-up that got physical before all was said and done.
Swagger had been stewing for this match since Elimination Chamber, but thanks to Cesaro he’d have to wait a little longer when the former U.S. Champion Neutralized Big E about two seconds after the bell. Swagger took issue and was very nearly hauled into the Cesaro Swing until Zeb Colter was forced to play the voice of reason, forcing the two “brothers” to hug it out in shades of Team Hell No. Of course, that didn’t solve every issue between those two, so let’s file this under “tentatively settled” for the moment.
John Cena called out The Wyatt Family
Despite not being cleared to compete in Chicago, John Cena still gutted his way to the ring to lob some verbal volleys towards The Wyatt Family, who sent him to the injured reserve last year but, as Cena reminded them, have to go through him to claim the future of WWE for their own. Bray Wyatt wasn’t about to let the moment pass without responding, and The Eater of Worlds materialized on the TitanTron to issue a haunting warning to Cena, who he likened to a prized, but aging, stallion. “How long do you think you can fend us off?” Wyatt asked, vowing to “ put [Cena] down” when all was said and done.
Daniel Bryan def. Batista via Disqualification
Who wins when a goat battles an Animal? No one for now, thanks to a small army of intruders that turned Daniel Bryan’s match against Batista into an all-out brawl that ended in indecisive fashion. Despite Batista’s assertion that Bryan’s “YES!” Movement was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever seen, the submission expert served notice to a No. 1 contender that seemed more concerned with WWE World Heavyweight Champion Randy Orton at ringside than defeating his opponent.
Bryan went immediately after the knee of the much larger Batista to soften him up for a half-crab, though The Animal countered with a clothesline that nearly knocked the beard off Bryan’s face. Bryan reciprocated with a missile dropkick, but The Authority’s arrival threw the “Yes!” man off his game and allowed Batista to hurl Bryan into an unsuspecting Orton. The Viper replied by attacking Bryan (which disqualified The Animal) and instigating a scrum between Batista, Bryan, Orton and The Authority that culminated in a defiant Bryan receiving a Batista Bomb and, finally, a Pedigree from Triple H, who proclaimed he was tired of Bryan’s “fantasy.”