Doom with a view

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May 15, 2008

All souls, beware; Judgment Day is at hand — and we're not talking about this Sunday's pay-per-view in Omaha, Neb. Perhaps that's why prime ministers from five nations recently began work hundreds of miles away from the North Pole — on a remote Norwegian island — to create a "Doomsday vault" that will protect seeds belonging to varieties of food crops from destruction.

The seeds' life may be assured come the end of all existence. However, if WWE Superstars and Divas were to somehow find themselves in the midst of final damnation, what would they place in their Doomsday vaults? Family, friends … Britney Spears?

"I'd definitely put an iPod in there with me singing," noted Raw's tone-deaf songstress, Jillian. "I'd also want another human being — maybe Britney Spears? I wouldn't want her kids, though. Just Britney, so she can entertain me."

The Doomsday vault, however, isn't fun and games for everyone — especially troubled pop starlets. "My father was in the Air Force, so we had a lot of that dehydrated food and green cans [of sardines]," said Victoria, who takes the subject very seriously. "I wouldn't have anything for looks, really. It's basically all about survival."

Raw's Mr. Kennedy, meanwhile, stressed the importance of a TV and DVD player, to show who survived -- what else? -- DVD's of himself in WWE ring action.

"Most Superstars come out with these three-disc DVD sets," explained the vocal Superstar from Green Bay, Wis. "Mine would be a 20-disc set of my accomplishments in this business, so everyone could be entertained."

Kennedy does realize, though, that one copy of his "20-disc set" wouldn't be enough. "We'd need several sets, because the DVD's would be worn out by everyone watching them."

For Candice, it wouldn't be just a Doomsday vault; it would be a Doomsday party vault.

"I'd definitely put a DJ in there," said Raw's sexy former Women's Champion. "[The vault] would float on top of the water [like Noah's Ark] until it all fell through."

Never one to fret over the material things in life, Michelle McCool stressed the importance of having family — including golden retriever Jonah — inside her survival chamber.

"Everything else, other than my family, friends and maybe photo albums for memories, is pretty meaningless," explained SmackDown's All-American Girl. "You can't put a price on the things I'd put in that vault, simple as that."

Thinking beyond Doomsday, the braggadocios Italian Stallion that is Raw's Santino Marella summed up how future generations — if they survived and got into the vault — could become "wieners."

"There would need to be photos of me, because if the human race is ever close to extinction, you will need Santino Marella to bring them back," said the host of Santino's Casa on WWE.com. "People should see how I look and dress, and raise their children to resemble me — that way the future would not be so glum."

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