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Turkey, meet Balls
Balls Mahoney is all about the holidays, just ask anyone unlucky enough to be involved in his "Nutcracker Suite." WWE.com sat down with the chair swinging Extremist to discuss Turkey Day.
WWE.com: Thanks for taking the time to talk to us, Balls.
Balls: I hope you can understand me, I know I'm slurring. I haven't slept in three days; I'm living off Mountain Dew.
WWE.com: No problem. Who do you usually spend Thanksgiving with?
Balls: I live with my mother. I don't get along with a lot of people in my family, so I really don't like going to relatives' houses. I'm the black sheep in the family, obviously. My mom was the black sheep in her family. I mean she was at Woodstock, you know? I always felt like -- eh. With all the wrestling, ECW, Smokey Mountain, and the little stint as Santa Claus -- all of a sudden everybody wants me at the family get-togethers. Well they never wanted me there before, so they can go F-off. I want you to put that, F-off. If they weren't supporting me then, why the hell are they coming out of the woodwork now?
WWE.com: How nice. So, what are you thankful for?
Balls: I'm thankful for my job. I'm thankful for all the hard work finally paying off. I'm thankful for the time that me and a my mother have together, I'm thankful for the couple of special ladies in my life that understand what my life is like because of how busy I am...
WWE.com: Any special lady in particular that likes to cuddle up with Balls?
Balls: My ex, when I was with her. We broke up because of my own issues, now we're kind of seeing each other again, you know what I mean? When I first met her, she was beautiful. She had big breasts, they were natural. Big breasts, about a buck 10. Her breasts grew, they went from a D to a double E and she went from 110 to 160 in two and a half years. It was all from my cooking.
WWE.com: Um, okay. That's a lot of information. So you are a good cook then?
Balls: My mom's cooking, it's alright, but it kind of sucks, so I had to learn how to cook.
WWE.com: I'm sure she'll be happy to hear that. What's your specialty?
Balls: Chicken Mahoney. It's chicken cutlets, thin cut, which I do not go out to the store for. Why spend the extra money?
First, season the chicken lightly with sweet Hungarian paprika. I know this sounds weird with paprika, but trust me, all you need is little paprika, garlic powder, and kosher salt. I always use Kosher salt. You will also need fresh ground pepper, garlic powder, and some herbs. You will also have to do my prep work, which is tons of garlic. I love garlic. Just add a little bit of shallot and a ton of mushrooms to the mix.
Once this is done, get a skillet and angel hair pasta, already cooked, but not cooked to death. When it comes out, you want the pasta to be kind of crunchy. From there, brown the chicken breasts. Once you turn the chicken breasts, add in your aromatics, take your chicken breasts out, and sauté up your mushrooms really, really good.
Take the white wine, which I prefer a Chardonnay - Pinot Grigio mix called Luna de Luna. Grease the pan. Add butter and heavy cream. Get it together until it's got a nice sauce consistency. Put the chicken back in. The chicken's not completely cooked, so leave it in there until it is cooked through. Remove the chicken.
I know this sounds like a lot, but believe me, it works.
Then, in your angel hair pasta, add some fresh herbs and some parmesan cheese. Toss and cook it for a minute. Take the chicken breasts out, put them on a plate, and there's Chicken Mahoney.
WWE.com: Damn! That's a ballsy recipe.