The biggest jerks of 2013

Damien Sandow

February: This “uncrowned World Champion” wants nothing to do with the “Jerk” boot. 

“It is obvious that the ‘unwashed masses’ have not heard my message. I’m simply trying to help people, and yet this wretched award is bestowed upon me. It is painfully clear that, going forward, I must speak in simpler words and slower diction to ensure that these pig-ignorant fools can understand me. This atrocity serves to strengthen my resolve — and as for this disgrace of a trophy, you can keep it. I’ll not sully the shelves of my study with such an abomination!”