The biggest jerks of 2013
January: The leader of 3MB answers criticisms for triple-teaming the likes of Brodus Clay, Zack Ryder, and Santino Marella.
“Love me or hate me — you’ll always remember me. Jump on the bandwagon now ... or don’t, I don’t care. Because one day, y’all are going to respect me anyway. Here’s the thing: I’m just a small-town boy with big dreams that literally went out and caught them. I grabbed that bull by the horns, wrestled him to the ground, and pinned him. And to all you people who give me a hard time for having red hair, or losing all the time, or this and that, all you people can kiss my butt.”
February: This “uncrowned World Champion” wants nothing to do with the “Jerk” boot.
“It is obvious that the ‘unwashed masses’ have not heard my message. I’m simply trying to help people, and yet this wretched award is bestowed upon me. It is painfully clear that, going forward, I must speak in simpler words and slower diction to ensure that these pig-ignorant fools can understand me. This atrocity serves to strengthen my resolve — and as for this disgrace of a trophy, you can keep it. I’ll not sully the shelves of my study with such an abomination!”
March: Months before stepping into the spotlight as General Manager of Raw, Brad Maddox comments on being really, really, ridiculously good-looking.
“I’m doing right by me, and that’s just about all anyone can ask for. I’m critical of WWE because the idiots in the front office don’t recognize talent when it’s right in front of them. I’m popular beyond belief now, and that’s all thanks to me, so imagine how big I’ll be when WWE gets its act together. To the WWE Universe, I’m sorry for when I come off as rude. I want a normal life. I want to be able to go about my business, just like the rest of you average-looking, unfamous people.”
April: It's bad news for Wade Barrett as he shares his thoughts on how the world has gone soft.
“Ambition is something that used to be admired. Unfortunately the world is different now; everyone’s taking a soft approach, and I think that’s wrong. As far as I’m concerned, I am already better than Ricky Steamboat, I’m certainly far, far better than Yoshi Tatsu, and, (when) the Intercontinental Title (was) around my waist, it in itself (was) better. The WWE Universe needs to wake up to the fact that the people who are blunt and direct are the most successful people in the world!”
May: Every member of The Shield captured title gold at May's Extreme Rules, making it impossible not to believe in The Shield.
EDITOR’S NOTE: When we tried to present The Shield with their trophy, we were a bit nervous. Everything was going fine — they even showed up for the shoot on time. That’s when things went off the rails: They wanted no part of the trophy, and almost destroyed the set. But while they refused any on-the-record comments, they did leave us with a cryptic video you can view on the digital version of WWE Magazine. Head to iTunes, the Android shop or the Kindle store to download it now!
June: AJ Lee reflects on bringing chaos everywhere she went in 2013, even betraying her BFF Kaitlyn — guess that stands for “best former friend.”
“I’m psyched about this award for many, many reasons. The first is that being called a ‘Jerk’ is probably 12th most offensive thing that I’ve been called. Secondly, people misinterpret my actions — it’s just me being passionate. But I do get a fancy trophy out of it! I think I’ll put it on my desk with my Slammys, my Video Game Challenge Award, and my 100-percent Gold Employee Badge from my days of working at Pathmark. See? When I do something, I do it all the way.”
July: He may be a “Real American,” but Antonio Cesaro really doesn’t care about whose jealous of his strength.
“I am honored to receive this award, because it means I am striking a nerve. People are always going to be jealous of men such as myself who can do things that they can’t. And that is why I feel that, rather than I being the ‘Jerk,’ the people who voted for me are the true jerks. Instead of going out and doing something with their lives, they are merely projecting their hatred for themselves onto me. You can call me a jerk, but it’s really quite simple: I don’t have time for losers.”
August: After coming up just short on his chase for the WWE Championship, Ryback insists on doing everything he can to capture the title — even if he has to step on some toes along the way.
“I tried playing by the right set of rules, and it got me nowhere. If I’m going to capture the WWE Championship, I have to do this my way. Nobody had a problem when I was the one guy taking on The Shield, but I’m the bad guy for leaving Cena to fend for himself?! The title has been taken away from me over and over again, and I’m going to do whatever it takes to get the WWE Championship for myself. If the WWE Universe has a problem with it, that’s their problem.”
Big E Langston
September: Before he turned over a new leaf in late 2013, Big E Langston responds to humilating Kaitlyn in AJ Lee's secret admirer ruse.
“I’m proud to be a jerk if you think going out and doing what I do makes me one. Too often people are afraid to do what they want. I enjoy having a good time, and sometimes that means having to pretend to romance a woman and dump her on national TV. Kaitlyn deserved it. What are we 12!? If she bought into the whole secret admirer thing, then that’s her fault. I have no regrets. And honestly, I had a blast. Other people do other things to have fun, that’s what I do for fun.”
Jack Swagger & Zeb Colter
October: Zeb Colter and his “Real Americans,” Jack Swagger and Antonio Cesaro, are never afraid to speak their minds. Colter and Swagger comment on the people who take issue with their freedom of speech.
Zeb Colter: “I think the people are afraid of the truth — the truth is hard to face. But why is it OK for them to say things about us, and yet it’s not OK for Jack and myself to speak our minds? If you look through history, when people get silenced, that’s when everyone’s rights are removed and we all become enslaved.”
Jack Swagger: “We say what no one else wants to say, even though they all agree with us. I guess that makes us jerks. Down the road, when everyone finally sees the error of their ways, and when the light is finally shining on us, all of them — they’ll be the jerks!”
November: Three-time “Jerk” Vickie Guerrero embraces the prestigious title and the trophy that comes with it.
“I am honored, but not surprised, that I am ‘Jerk of the Month.’ The third time’s the charm! I’m someone with the expertise and professional acumen to know how to best manipulate people from a position of power. So I’d like to thank all the little people for voting for me, but this was something I expected. I’m proud of my many titles, such as ‘Cougar in Charge,’ ‘ General Manager of SmackDown’ and ‘Vince McMahon’s ally.’ ”
December: Fandango admits he’s a little confused at being called a “Jerk,” considering millions of members of the WWE Universe hum his theme music every night.
“Jerk? I just don’t understand. How could anyone not like me! I thought the whole WWE Universe loved me. They love my beautiful entrance music. They love my beautiful gear. And they love my beautiful woman, Summer Rae. I’m hurt and flabbergasted that anyone could ever call me ‘Jerk of the Month.’ As for my refusal to wrestle: Have you not been to the movies? They always show the preview before the main attraction. I’m just building the anticipation.”
New Year, New Jerks!
See who WWE Magazine names the first Jerk of the Month for 2014 in the January issue, available December 17!